Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
