You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
