just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize