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My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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