Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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