weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
