No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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