I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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