I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
