He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
