Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
