lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sex in a hospital.. check
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
