so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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