I think im going to throw up on grandma
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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