My liver just broke up with me...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
