Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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