I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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