i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
