Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
