I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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