I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
