Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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