how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
