I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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