so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
