i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
