i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
