I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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