I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
