Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
