im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
