Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
