Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
