you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
