I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He better not be in your backpack
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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