mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
