Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
