I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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