This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable