My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING