...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
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i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.