the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
