I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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