i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Pants are for mortals
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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