I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
