Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am naked and annoyed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
