so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm too high and old for this...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
