Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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