people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize