OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
