you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize