WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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