Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
