i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
