i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
