32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
