she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Your penis caused this!
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