I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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