I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
