Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
