This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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